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Showing posts from March, 2024

Tukas Maret

Kau masih tertidur di sana. Di kasurmu yang sudah lembab, jejak tenggelam mencetak massa tubuhmu yang sudah kaku, yang kainnya tak lagi kusut oleh lekuk. Ia memanas, kemudian mendingin oleh waktu-waktu yang kau gunakan untuk diam, menghirup hiruk pikuknya kehidupan, lalu kau embuskan selayaknya debu penuhi rongga dadamu. Sesak . Kau tekan tumit ke atas lantai yang terasa lengket di kulit, terasa mengganggu. Langkahmu mengecap dinginnya permukaan rumah, suaranya menelisik sudut-sudut gelap, mengirim getaran pada sarang-sarang binatang yang mendiami rumahmu selayaknya teman kamar. Mereka terasa lebih familiar denganmu daripada kawan-kawan. Kau coba jelaskan pada cermin bahwa ini bagian dari kehidupan, untukmu terperosok lalu nantinya bangkit lagi, seperti kerja gelombang. Tapi kau terjebak di bawah sini begitu lama, mewanti-wanti kapan momentummu datang membawamu naik ke puncak. Kau terdiam begitu lama, mendangak ke atas, lalu kesepian mulai merayapi pori-pori kulitmu. Rasanya seperti di...

letter from underground

no, i could not talk to you, sweetheart. this was something i had brought since i was born. this was not a curse. this was something tied in both my hands, some sort of vines were lingering on every pores of my arms' skin. the disgust was immense in me. and i imagined if i could love as hard as i was disgusted. but love left a bad taste in my tongue. my heart was a deep hollow, sweetheart. five seconds ago i remembered the kindness you gave me, then i had forgotten your name. was i fooled by my own brain? was i delusioned with the slight happiness i was momentarily given despite this big hollow that could gulp the moon. it was a loose chance. i was barely distracted from my genuine hatred. thus, i become so afraid of such blinding emotions and forgot my stance. i was not a great man, but i put my self in a higher position than those around me. in what position, you could not understand, sweetheart. i was not you, or anyone. this was not a proud regard. i was merely a terrible man. ...